Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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