Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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