Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
