I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
