If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
