you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
