I cockslap morals
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
