i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
