Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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