You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
