At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
