My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
