I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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