dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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