I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
