i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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