Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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