You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
