What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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