final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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