I feel great
I just peed on a car
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
