This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
