Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
