nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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