im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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