I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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