Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Houston, we have a squirter
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
