Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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