I wanna bring you to show and tell
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
