I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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