you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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