Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
