Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
