what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
