My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
