ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
