All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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