That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I need water and some morals
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
