I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
