my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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