Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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