just tell him i said nine months
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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