Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
