Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
