Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
