He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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