I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
