he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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