My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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