U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
