Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
