woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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